Adventures in Cyberia

Britney's New Pals

2007-11-24T15:05:00.001-05:00

Zombie Kate would be dying of boredom if she weren't already undead. She tries to entertain herself by throwing water balloons at Suri...

...and learning to roller blade. "Oh, If I only had a brain!", she laments. (or maybe she's just hungry?)

After practicing all night, she invites Britney over. Kate thinks that by teaching Brit to skate, she can keep her off the road.

Tom is never far away, and today is no exception. He's thinking that Britney might be a good candidate for conversion, so he decides to join the skating party.

Whoops! Tom and Brit take a spill. "I'm never this clumsy," cries Britney. "I usually only fall down when I'm carrying one of my babies!"

"Oh yeah... babies...I wonder who's taking care of them, y'all!"

Newsflash: Britney Loses Custody of Kids

2007-10-01T20:29:00.000-04:00

But you saw it here first, last July. Can we call 'em or what?

Tyra Hits Pay Dirt!

2007-09-29T18:43:00.000-04:00

We rejoin our pal Britney, out on the town for a night of drinking...

...trying to remember her name...

...and making friends.

Tyra has an idea that she wants to propose to Britney...

...and to K-Fed...

...and to Lindsay...

...and Paris...

...and Tom.

"My new show will be called "America's Next Top Role Model"!

Blonde Ambition - You Saw It Here First!

2007-09-09T08:48:00.000-04:00

Rita Cosby's Larry and Howard sighting is not news here at AIC. You might remember this post about Howard's baby bump!

Anna is on to them, and Larry's poodle voices her objection as well. Anna had started to suspect something when Larry GOT the poodle.

Howard makes a move...

...but Larry warns him that someone might be watching.

"Why, oh why, didn't we buy window treatments?"

Saving Lindsey

2007-07-28T11:37:00.001-04:00

The ghost of Anna Nicole Smith decides to pay a visit to the troubled Ms. Lohan. "Like my body? It's decomposing. I don't think you want to wind up like me."

Sister Immaculata calls an intervention, with Rosie O'Donald Trump, Tyra Banks, Paris, Britney and Tom Cruise all on board.

While waiting for Lindsey to arrive, Britney engages Tom in a lively do-si-do. You just never know what that girl will do!

Lindsey is a bit taken aback by all the attention.

But she decides to take some notes anyway. Tyra advises her that if she can just stop drinking she might "still be in the running to be America's Next Top Model." She adds that she has NEVER had to yell at a girl this way before.

"Thanks Tyra. I'm feeling easier and breezier already."

Anna gives her a few tips, suggesting Trim Spa instead of nose candy to keep her weight down.

Finally, Britney adds her two cents while complimenting Lindsey on an "awesome manicure".

They bond, as only dysfunctional starlets can. Better start cleaning out Paris' jail cell!

Paris Post-Lockup

2007-06-30T00:48:00.000-04:00

To celebrate her release from jail, Paris invites Sister Immaculata, Lindsey and Britney over for a hookah party!

Tyra stops by to see what Paris is up to. Things aren't looking too promising.

"Hmmm... maybe if I have her move in with me I can straighten her booty out. It would further my image as a selfless humanitarian! Plus, it would make a really good "Tyra" show."

Paris' mom calls to tell her that they've sold her house while she was away.

"Oh no...now I have no choice but to move in with Tyra!"

Nunsense!

2007-06-09T11:24:00.000-04:00

I know, I know... we are SO sick of hearing about Paris Hilton! But you can read TMZ.com, CNN.comor even Perez Hilton and not get the inside look into Paris' prison life that you'll get here.

Paris' parents send Sister Immaculata to counsel their distraught but stylish daughter.

Sister begins by telling Paris how she and the other nuns keep themselves occupied. She has a bit of experience in an all-girl environment.

"We have pillow fights to pass the time," Sister informs her.

"And this is how you make friends with the other inmates."

"Don't worry, you can record the whole thing and post it on YouTube!"

Sister offers to make Paris' prison diet staple, the baloney sandwich. Paris reads the copy of "Papillon" that she found under her bed.

Finally, she's able to get to sleep. She wonders if anyone has remembered to feed Tinkerbell...

...and then dreams of her one true love.

Paris and Her Sidekick

2007-06-01T16:49:00.001-04:00

No, not her spiffy little PDA! Paris learns that her cellmate will be none other than her pal Lindsey, recently picked up on a DUI. Lindsey attempted to look respectable at the arraignment, but she wasn't fooling anyone.

The girls now get to do everything together.

Paris is required to do a bootcamp-style workout as a part of her rehabilitation. "At least the outfit is hot," she murmurs.

But to add insult to injury, the court has ordered Tom Cruise to drop by daily for a healing round of "Entheta Clearing". Paris is a little nervous.

As well she should be. This baby doesn't mess around!

Back at the Cruise mansion, Katie tells Suri that if Tom is occupied with the brainwashing of Paris and Lindsey they might be able to make their break. Suri points out that given the lack of collective brains, he may not be gone very long.

Paris Goes to the Pokey

2007-05-13T18:32:00.000-04:00

Paris, having failed to get enough signatures on her petition to the Governor to commute her sentence, tells Lindsey she just doesn't know how she's going to survive in jail.

Lindsey has only a hug to offer, but asks Paris to make copious notes so she can refer to them in the future.

Paris decides to make the best of a bad situation, and changes into her finest Chanel dress, shoes and purse. She hasn't quite grasped the concept of "blending in".

Britney, still sporting the gorilla head to hide her cueball look, and Sister Immaculata give Paris a sendoff. "And you thought it was bad around here?" snarls Sister.

"I'm hoping my experience on 'The Simple Life' will help me out.", she muses.

Back in Business!

2007-05-01T07:32:00.000-04:00

The Goddess has a new laptop, so expect an update featuring Tomkat and Suri.... trouble in paradise?

Technical Difficulties!

2007-04-15T09:27:00.000-04:00

AIC will be back soon.... lots to report, but our optical drive went bad. Stay tuned and we'll fill you in on the latest developments with Larry and Dannielynn and Howard, not to mention the latest witht the TomKats, Britney and K-Fed. Updates start on Tuesday!

It's Britney Week on Idol!

2007-03-31T18:01:00.000-04:00

Sanjaya has moved to Cyberia! He thinks the next theme for American Idol might be "Talentless White Trash of the '90s".

Right on cue, Britney "Get This Gorilla Off My Head" Spears tries to offer some advice. "Show your belly button! Wear school girl clothes! Drop your baby on a sidewalk! Er, no... maybe not that last one. They loved me before that."

Jealous of Sanjaya's thick and versatile locks, Britney tries to hypnotize him into going with the cue-ball style for the upcoming show.

Campbell's In the Soup

2007-03-25T20:01:00.000-04:00

Tyra gets a call from the NYPD, telling her that her "friend" Naomi has completed her community service and is being released into Tyra's custody as the second part of her punishment for throwing a cellphone at her maid.

Naomi promises Tyra that she'll behave herself, and she'll even take care of Tyra's dog, Wilhemina.

Tyra listens while Naomi talks incessantly about herself. "And they think I'm egotistical!" she muses.

As part of her restitution, Naomi apologizes to the maid and Tyra agrees to do some of the cleaning. The maid is willing to let the whole thing go.

However, Tyra is not done with Naomi. She forces her to wear "America's Next Top Model" underwear and run a garage sale.

Naomi wishes she had just gone to prison.

Anna Reconsiders

2007-03-11T14:59:00.000-04:00

Anna, having risen from the dead, decides to improve her image this time around by doing some reading. Unfortunately the book is upside down, but you know what they say... baby steps.

Howard catches Anna up on all the baby drama that's been going on while she was dead. Zombie Katie listens attentively while Dannielynn naps on the kitchen floor.

Katie suggests that Anna could write a book about her life, death and resurrection!

All the while, no one seems to notice Howard's "baby bump".

Now that Anna's back, her baby is surely headed for a life of eating disorders. Dannielynn makes the aquaintance of her future best friend.

Howard flaunts the bump...

...and is suffering from some first trimester exhaustion.

Anna, decked out in her Jo-Lo Oscar knock-off, isn't so sure she wants to stick around. Things were so much simpler after she had checked out. She calls the Grim Reaper to see what can be done to get her out of here!

Paternity Fraternity (Maternity?)

2007-03-04T16:21:00.000-05:00

Let the games begin.... Larry does his best rendition of "Who's Your Daddy?"

But Howard is close behind.

"Listen, kid. You better start calling me Papa or else."

What's this? Howard is feeling a bit woozy this morning. The DNA labs are going to be working overtime!

Meanwhile, Larry throws a party for Anna but it's a dud. He realizes that a party just isn't a party without the party girl herself, so he buys a "Resurrect-o-Matic" on ebay.

"It's working!!!! And I only paid five bucks for it!"

It appears that Anna is back...

....but Larry had better read the fine print.

Stay Tuned...

2007-03-02T09:53:00.000-05:00

...and follow the adventures of the newest residents of Cyberia: Anna Nicole Smith, Howard Nicole Smith, Larry Nicole Smith, and Dannielynn "Get Me Out of Here" Nicole Smith.

Everything's Relative

2007-02-22T23:06:00.000-05:00

Sister Immaculata talks to Paris about getting Brit back into rehab. "I think I have an idea..."

She calls Social Services and has one of the babies returned, hoping to get Britney to snap out of it.

"Here's your baby. Do you remember him? He's the one you got as backup, when it looked like the first one wasn't going to make it past toddlerhood."

"Look, baby! I must be your mother! We have the same hairdo!"

But some things never change.

You know things are bad when Lindsey is the responsible one...

...and when K-Fed appears to be the better parent. (He's gotten a job selling Kool-Aid outside the Cruise's place.)

"She's Just Dead! I'm BALD!"

2007-02-17T11:22:00.000-05:00

Totally pissed off by all the attention that Anna Nicole is getting, Britney starts a fight with Sister Immaculata at the Rehab Center for Wayward Starlets.

Much to her dismay, however, Sister takes her down.

Lindsey defends her buddy, while Brit makes her escape.

Where to go... where to go... Of course! To the nearest salon to shave her head!

While there, she decides that maybe a new career is in order. After all, she did complete the Sally Struthers Correspondence Cosmetology and Air Conditioner Repair Course during her downtime on tour. Always good to have something to fall back on.

Er, maybe not.

At a loss for additional ways to get people to stop talking about Anna Nicole, Britney goes totally Cruise.

Sister Loses Control!

2007-01-28T11:10:00.000-05:00

Over at Sister Immaculata's Home for Wayward Girls, the nun has a vicarious moment as she reads a romance novel before bed. Paris, Lindsey and Britney are sleeping, so she is confident that everything is under control.

But while Sister snoozes and dreams of Fabio...

Brit and Lindsey get busy in the kitchen!

Par-tay!

They decide to wake up Paris and go clubbing.

...but Sister hears the commotion and tries to stop them.

The girls think they have successfully made their break, and arrive at Club Cyberia for a night of hell-raising.

Don't look now, but the wily nun is hot on their trail.

"You're a real pain in the butt, you know." , she tells Lindsey.

"And YOU... what the heck ever happened to your kids, anyway?"

Realizing that she is unable to control these crazy kids, Sister Immaculata loses it. She heads to the bar and orders an extra dirty Martini, and decides that being "extra dirty" must be more fun.

Ready to take a walk on the wild side, she asks Paris how she's managed to become so popular with boys.

Rosie O'Donald Trump

2007-01-13T11:44:00.000-05:00

Meet the newest resident of Cyberia, Rosie O'Donald Trump. A hefty gal with a rockin' hairdo and a weakness for blondes, Rosie has shacked up with town badgirl Tonya Harding.

Rosie makes her move on day one, but Tonya is a little put-off by the combover.

She opts for a Lean Cuisine instead.

To celebrate Rosie's arrival, Tonya throws a little shindig. Dave shows up just in time to see his favorite knee-capping ice skater busting a move.

But to Tonya's dismay, Dave has brought his wife Lindsey along. LiLo appears to be recovering nicely from her recent appendectomy!

Rosie, the proud owner of two left feet, opts off the dance floor and checks Page Six for the latest gossip. She's quite dismayed to find nothing at all about her. "I wish these little tramps would keep their panties on," she mutters. "I need to do something obnoxious every single day in order to stay ahead of them!"

Spoke too soon about LiLo... apparently Tonya's mac and cheese isn't sitting too well with her.

When the guests have left, Tonya invites Tyra and her "girlfriend" over and begs for a spot in the Top Model house. She knows that Tyra is casting right now, and has to strike while the curling iron is hot.

Tyra returns home, changes into her "thinking clothes", and considers Tonya's offer.

She decides to Google the trashy blonde, and discovers that she's got just what it takes to be a part of the next cycle of ANTM. Tyra knows she's got to act fast though, because Tonya might get snapped up by the Oxygen Channel's newest car-wreck, The Bad Girls' Club.

Happy New Year!

2007-01-05T17:53:00.000-05:00

A.I.C. will return to its normal frequency next week after a holiday hiatus. In the meantime, Tyra is casting for the next "cycle" of America's Next Top Moron, er Model!

"Hmmm... as long as you aren't as pretty as ME, you might have a shot!"

Christmas In Cyberia

2006-12-22T10:01:00.000-05:00

Katie, dressed in a Christmas outfit that Tom bought her, is thrilled to see a tree in the house.

"Oh I hope Santa brings me a brain!!"

Well, well... whaddya know...

Over at Sister Immaculata's Home for Wayward Starlets, the nun cleans up while Paris and Lindsey feel each other up behind her back.

Or so they think! We all know that nuns have eyes in the back of their heads, because they've told us so! She lets them know that they are grounded for a month. No parties, no boys over, no egg nog, nothing.

"It's for your own good. You girls need to learn the hard way, apparently." Britney tries to plead with her, saying that she didn't do anything wrong, but the nun won't budge. "Your kids haven't seen you for six months, missy. The rest of the world has seen more of you than they have. And that's an understatement!"

In a flash of brilliance, the girls decide to have a panty party and tickle the Sister into submission... now, if they can just get her drunk! (Britney couldn't participate because, well, she has no panties.)

The Girls Enter "Rehab"

2006-12-12T09:55:00.000-05:00

When Lindsey caught Dave in the hottub with Tonya, she knew things had hit rock bottom. She called Britney and Paris and all three girls decided to move in with Sister Immaculata.

"OK, I know I'm supposed to be learning how to be a "good girl" and all, but I've been dying to hang out with Karl the Vampire. You know, just a one-nighter.", explains Lindsey. Sister tells her that vampires are not wholesome people. And they shy away from rosary beads.

Sister Immaculata engages Paris in a rousing pillow fight...

...while Lindsey breaks the rules and IMs Karl, naked.

Bimbos, Zombies and Bookies...Oh My!

2006-12-02T19:30:00.000-05:00

The girls retreat to Britney's place after a long night of smoking, drinking and slap fights.

Britney has had quite enough of LiLo's never-been-pregnant belly, and calls Dave. "Send her home," sighs Dave. "I'm a little tied up and can't come get her."

Tied up indeed! Dave is having a little hot tub party with Tonya and Tyra.

Lindsey arrives home just in time to see Dave checking out the former skating thug. "I thought this kind of thing only happened to guys on TV!" he blurts.

He can't help it. Although he's married to LiLo he's clearly got the hots for Tonya who is considering a career as a Sumo wrestler.

Back at the TomKat residence, Tom takes a post-wedding snooze and dreams of Jamie Foxx.

The next day, Zombie Katie wants to continue the marathon kissing. Tom squirms. "The whole point of the three minute kiss was to get that out of the WAY!" he shrieks. "Now excuse me while I go watch the trailer for "Dreamgirls" again. K-Fed is due home from work any minute now and can take care of Suri. Or whatever her name is."

K-Fed is not only home from work, but he's been promoted. He's pretty sure Britney will see the error of her ways once she gets a load of this:

You Heard It Here FIRST

2006-11-28T07:33:00.000-05:00

Here in Cyberia, we predicted the Britney and Paris connection WAY before they showed up on Page Six.

Since then, Brit has gone back to being a blonde, Paris has added extensions, and they continue to enjoy liquid breakfasts, lunches and dinners together.

Celebrity Flying Babies

2006-11-20T09:21:00.000-05:00

The arrival of LiLo added to the wedding festivities. Drunk out of her mind when she pulled up, Lindsey thought a good pillow fight with the bride was in order.

"Oh oops! Sorry about that. Wow, your boobs look great!" she sputters. K-Fed wonders if he's got spinach in his teeth, because LiLo hasn't taken notice of his manhood.

Suri stops the zombie in the wedding dress. "Are you my mommy?", she asks. Katie thinks for a minute... "Er, um...I'll check with Master Tom, but I think so."

"I learned this from Michael Jackson! Don't worry about the balcony...it's only a 20 foot drop."

TomKat's "Wedding"

2006-11-18T08:58:00.000-05:00

Although Tom and Katie staged a Cyberian wedding a few weeks back (just to appease her parents), Tom has insisted that they have a Scientology wedding to make things appear legit. Katie chooses the perfect zombie wedding gown.

Sage Munster, who met an untimely end when he was eaten by a plant, has come back to warn Tom not to continue this charade. "We all know the truth, Tom! This "family man" act has got to stop! Neither of you are promoting a film!"

Tyra, in a rare moment of sanity, tries to convince Katie that going through with this marriage is a mistake. "Just ask Britney! Take the kid and run! Brit! Help me out here!"

Katie is convinced that she can juggle a career, motherhood and being a beard for Tom all at once. She's not worried.

Tom tells Britney to mind her own business. Where's Travolta when you need him?

Britney and a naked Tonya decide to leave Katie to her own devices. "Tyra was right," they think. K-Fed checks them both out while Katie stares blankly into space.

"Kate...everything is going to be wonderful! Just do everything I say and you'll be happy. Seriously. And the best part is, you'll never have to sleep with me."

The couple seal their Scientific vows with a fake kiss, failing to notice that LiLo just pulled up in her Herbie the Love Bug vehicle. Where LiLo goes, trouble follows...

K-Fed Skates on Thin Ice

2006-11-12T13:02:00.001-05:00

Having been kicked to the curb by Britney, K-Fed decides to move in with Tom and Katie (just to piss Britney off, since she had suspected Katie of calling Social Services and having her kids taken away). He assures them it's just temporary, until he can find another mega-star to impregnate.

Tom suggests LiLo. K-Fed is tempted, because that would *really* make Britney mad, but reconsiders.

"Nah... I'm not that much of a rat. Anyway, I need a woman who is more like me...who understands how I think. Who is into professional wrestling."

Tom makes a few calls, and after a dip in the hot tub K-Fed is introduced to none other than Tonya Harding. Former professional ice skater turned criminal turned pro wrestler.

K-Fed tries to wow Tonya with a graphic description of his er, fine qualitites.

Tonya is disgusted and tells him to keep it in his pants.

"Maybe a drink will loosen this chick up," he thinks.

Tom (still trying to squeeze into his Risky Business tighty-whities) and Katie (just back from an intense "clearing" at the Church) join them in a toast.

After K-Fed tries to paw her, Tonya lets him have it. "Look, buddy. Try that again and I'll have you knee-capped."

"Will I ever meet a woman who is truly worthy of me?" he muses. "I wonder what Anna Nicole is doing tonight..."

Britney Cleans House!

2006-11-07T23:30:00.000-05:00

If you want to know what really happened between Britney and K-Fed, look no further.

Sister Immaculata came over for a dip in the hot tub, and K-Fed decided to show her a few dance moves. "This is why Britney couldn't resist me", he purred. He couldn't help but notice what a rockin' bod the nun been hiding under her habit.

Britney would have none of that!

"You think I can't put two and two together??" she asked.

Then she took him down.

...and kicked him out.

After the dust settled, she invited a few guys over to stroke her ego. When she tried to stroke LiLo's hubby, Dave, however...he said "Thanks, but no thanks." He's no dummy.

Dejected, she called Paris. "Let's go out for a beer! You're not going to believe what happened today. I just need to get out of these clothes."

As they waited for a taxi. Paris pretended to be surprised that K-Fed would hit on another woman. "Oh, he wasn't such a great catch anyway. He was always singing those stupid songs. Po-po-ZOW! Ugh! Enjoy the peace and quiet."

"Did I mention it was your roommate? ... The NUN?" For once, Paris was truly speechless.

Suri Surprise!!

2006-11-05T08:05:00.000-05:00

Katie is struggling with her new role as zombie-mommy. Suri "relaxes" on the kitchen floor while Kate knocks back her twelfth Jager of the day.

Having sent Kate to sleep it off, Tom throws a birthday party for his little girl. On hand are a few of the couples closest friends: Britney, wearing a clean thong for the occasion. LiLo, who thought a "birthday suit" was the appropriate outfit; Deni Bonet, who isn't quite sure how she wound up on the guest list, and Tyra, who hasn't changed her clothes since Halloween.

But what's this?? When Tom ordered this baby, he CLEARLY said he needed it to be a girl! Since they never actually changed her diaper, Tom and Katie failed to notice that the baby dropped on their front lawn was a BOY! Tom is not sure what to do.

Suri, unaware of his gender-identity issue, splashes himself with toilet water.

Tom hooks himself up to the e-Meter. "L. Ron... help me! Vanity Fair ran a whole article about our baby GIRL! My credibility is at stake!"

A local Scientology soldier arrives and uses a clearing device in an attempt to rectify the situation and save Tom's reputation. Katie remains passed out, and the nanny mops the bathroom floor. "I need a Xanax," she mutters.

Happy Halloween!!

2006-10-31T20:44:00.000-05:00

Even the residents of Cyberia get into Halloween! Dave Utenzi and his new bride, LiLo...

Vampire Karl...

Tyra tells the maid to find her a costume right away!

...and the maid comes through...

Freaky Friday!

2006-10-13T20:37:00.000-04:00

LiLo gets a visit from the social bunny. Although she's installed a bowling alley in her backyard, no one has stopped by for a visit in quite awhile. The social bunny suggests that LiLo lay off the booze and ask Dave Utenzi out on a date.

Dave hurries over and LiLo gives him quite a welcome. He's intrigued, but wants to go on a real date. "Let's go dancing!" he says.

And dance they do...

"Do the smustle!"

LiLo tries her hand at spinning, but cannot believe her eyes! Dave is flirting with Sister Immaculata. "Holy smokes! That lipstick is heavenly on you!" she hears him say.

When LiLo confronts him, Dave demands a commitment.

Her judgement clouded by sixteen apple-tinis, LiLo proposes...

...and Dave accepts. Will they make it to the altar? Will LiLo change her mind when she sobers up? Is sobering up in her future? Will Paris hit on Dave just to piss her off? Stay tuned!

Katie Homemaker

2006-10-08T19:02:00.000-04:00

Tom quickly figures out that getting Katie on board with the hosuewife thing is basically Mission: Impossible.

She even gets him mixed up with Suri, and tries to carry him around the house.

She overcooks the lobster thermidor...

...but Tom eats it anyway.

Being a zombie, Katie prefers brain food.

She manages to get Suri tucked into her crib...

...and while Tom dreams of cosmetics, Katie pines for her days on Dawson's Creek. "Life was so much simpler then", she sighs.

Blondes Have More Fun

2006-09-24T07:36:00.000-04:00

Britney and K-Fed, resting after a long day at the salon, discuss their ex-children who have been removed by Social Services. "I miss the little eggheads", sighs Britney.

She decides to give parenting another shot. She calls the Cyberian adoption agency, since they've given out kids to Tom like Halloween candy. Surely they'll give a few to her and the newly coiffed K-Fed! She points out that she's no longer blonde, so they can rest assured she'll be a lot smarter about her choices.

They are not buying it.

She knows that inviting Paris over will cheer her up. Paris, in her terminal blondeness, does not disappoint.

But the party's over when Karl shows up, convinced that it was Britney who caused a satellite to fall on his wife, the Contessa. He's out for blood (what else is new, the guy's a vampire!) and he's brought reinforcements. "Being a brunette is HARD!" thinks Britney.

Dance Dance Revulsion

2006-09-03T16:08:00.000-04:00

Over at Tyra's, there's a party going on and Li-Lo is getting down with her bad self. Sans clothing. Tom doesn't seem to notice.

She gets into the hot tub, where Laci Dancer is revolted by the nakedness. "I can see what you had for breakfast!", exclaims Laci. Tom loves a good catfight. Having changed into his work clothes, he quips: "Want fries with that?"

Li-Lo shoots back that Laci is just jealous. "Yeah, well you're flat as a pancake!", she shreiks. Laci points out that at least she has the good sense to be pixilated.

Tyra has had enough and slips into something a little more slutty...

...and dreams of the only person who brings her true happiness.

Look Up, Look Down...hey Satellite

2006-09-02T14:48:00.000-04:00

Karl, vampire-about-town, invites a few gal pals over for Mac 'n Cheese. His wife, the Contessa is not pleased.

And when Karl's attention turns heavily towards Hilly...

...things turn ugly.

Just as Karl is beginning to wonder why he ever got married, a SATELLITE crashes through the roof and onto the Contessa!!

"She's very dead." sighs the Grim Reaper. "People come and go so quickly around here!" shrieks Britney. Karl tries to look upset.

Hilly comforts him in his time of need.

Britney cannot believe her eyes. "Don't worry honey," growls Karl. "There's plenty of this bad boy to go around."

The girls depart, and Karl commemorates his countess by cleaning the counter. Something tells me Karl's social life is going to be picking up...

The Morning After

2006-09-01T20:02:00.000-04:00

After a late night at Radio City Music Hall, Paris gets herself out of bed...

...and hits the outdoor Starbucks in Cyberia.

The coffee bar isn't the only thing she hits! Spotting Li-Lo, she can't help herself and flings a water balloon at the unsuspecting starlet.

"Oh, I'm sorry! I'm still upset about being the object of ridicule at the MTV Video Awards last night!", she pleads. As much as she hates Lindsey, she's running short of friends.

In a rare moment of brillance, Paris realizes the the way to gain Li-Lo's forgiveness is through a brewski. Even at 10 AM.

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

2006-08-26T09:13:00.000-04:00

Having gotten trashed at Tomkat's wedding, Lindsey brings one of the caterers home for a roll in the hay.

Unfortunately, he gives her more than just his recipe for tiramisu.

The next morning, Lindsey reflects on her lack of good judgment.

Katie comes over for a little girl-talk, and Lindsey assures her that she'll only have safe sex from now on. Katie is skeptical, but then again she doesn't know much about sex.

Lindsey invites some friends over, and quickly winds up in a wild makeout session with Dave Utenzi.

Katie sees where this is going, and discreetly pulls Lindsey out of harm's way. "Li-Lo? Your mom's on the phone. She wants to tell you about this great tiramisu recipe she just got from a 'friend'."

The guests leave and Lindsey sneaks a bite of a ham sandwich...

...but quickly gets rid of it.

She stays up all night IMing with Dave.

Before she knows it, she's three hours late for work. "Oh well! At least I'm not hung over!"

Risky Business

2006-08-13T08:11:00.000-04:00

Zombie Katie puts Tom on the hot seat, asking him to tell her the truth about Suri. Did they have a baby or not??

Tom isn't quite the actor he thought he was!

He knows he has to act fast, and calls for help.

"One baby, coming right up!"

The baby-lady leaves the little Suri-imposter on the lawn, hoping she's not going to have to come back and rescue this one.

When Tom tells Katie the good news, that she actually *did* give birth, she is ecstatic!

She cannot believe her good fortune. She really, really does have a little bundle of flour to call her own! "Er, Kate? Over here..."

Almost immediately, Tom makes an honest zombie out of her.

As they toast the happy couple, Funky remembers the days when Tom was just a regular guy.

Tyra is just happy to be wearing J-Lo's dress.

Katie rushes to the computer to email Page Six, telling them to pop by for photos of Suri any time. Never one to miss a good party, a naked Lindsey heads back to the bathroom to vomit again.

Britney's Breakdown

2006-08-06T10:03:00.000-04:00

Britney is still upset over losing her rugrats to Social Services. "I didn't do anything wrong! We're COUNTRY!"

She is sure that it was Zombie Katie, freaked out over her own pseudo-baby drama, that made the phone call.

K-Fed tries to console her. "But it's so much more fun without them!"

Tyra and Paris try to come up with a plan to help Britney through this tough time.

They suggest that she get dressed and go talk to the Social Services people, to convince them that she is "America's Next Top Mommy."

After changing into something, er, a little more trampy, she mistakes Paris for Madonna and tries to plant one on her. "I'm giving up sex for a year!" shrieks Paris. Don't you read "People"?

Mortified, she tries to blame her bizarre behavior on Tyra.

And takes her down.

Already out of control, she downs a bottle of "Curious" and heads off to find her kids.

The Vamp and the Vampire

2006-08-05T15:25:00.000-04:00

Hilly Snackie, an icon in the vampire fashion world, has moved in with Robin "Funky" Bug...reknowned handbag heiress. But Hilly misses her ex-roommate Karl and invites him over for a Bloody Mary...

...and an erotic pillow fight. Karl is still married to the Contessa, but finds himself drawn to Hilly. He stays quite late and drinks more than he should.

Hilly mops up as a result, and Funky wonders what she sees in the guy.

Just as the girls are getting ready for bed, the doorbell rings.

K-Fed has dropped by, sick of his wife's whining, offering Funky several thousand dollars to hide out for a few days.

Funky tells him to get lost and has an inexplicable urge to wash up after he's gone.

Bea Sting

2006-08-04T20:53:00.000-04:00

Lu has reached that magical age of "teenager", so you know what that means, right?
That means Melodyann is also a teenager.
Since receiving Joe's life insurance policy, Nicole hasn't been able to get his suicide off her mind. She hires a private investigator to get to the bottom of his death. Within days, the investigator lets her in on our little secret. Joe discovered the baby swap that took place between Nicole and Kris. Rather than break his wife's heart, he went belly up in the pool. Nicole knows she cannot keep this secret, nor will she let it take her to the grave. She rushes to Kris' house and explains the windfall revelation.
Kris decides there's only one thing for them to do. Since they have raised each others' daughters for all these years, there's no WAY thet're swapping back now. But they also want to be a part of their natural daughters' lives. Kris finally extends the olive branch, and the girls agree that Nicole and Mel should move back into the Bea house.

Lu and Mel take time to process the information. They talk for hours about this odd shared family they're now to be a part of.
In fact, they talk straight through until morning.

As Lu heads to school, she's got Mommy Nicole on her mind.
And Mommy Nicole has daughter Lu on hers. Apparantly Mel is bugged about something. What could it be?
Oh yes, sharing a room with her "sister". The girls try to settle it with a good old fashioned noogy war.
However, Kris and Nicole have a better solution. They redecorate Kris' old room in the attic and move the girls in there.

Rest assured, the life time family bonds are still there for Kris and Lu...
... as with Nicole and Mel.

Binsk Moves to Cyberia! (Featuring Funky Cowboy)

2006-08-02T23:05:00.000-04:00

Our Canadian friend Binsk has crossed the border and moved to Cyberia! She just enrolled as a freshman at Cyberia University!

She's assigned to a seasoned sophomore, and her mentor is none other than Funky Cowboy! They hit it off immediately, and are equally excited to find out they have a lot of common interests. For one, they're both enrolled in the Honors Arts course!

Although their interpretations are somewhat different...
... as are their subject matters.

For the first few weeks, it's all work and no play for Binsk. She burns the midnight oil working on her Freshman term paper.
"Enjoys" that good ol' college chow.
Studies.
And studies some more. As you can see, Binsk is majoring in Theater, while Funky is majoring in Psychology.
Funky eventually helps Binsk lighten up (literally) and take in the full college experience, like this wacky hookah thing.

And of course, no college party would be complete without a stirring rendition of The Heart Goes On.
Though Funky prefers a Girls, Girls, Girls solo now an again.

Catching up with the Fleiss Gang

2006-08-01T22:32:00.000-04:00

So what's up with that Fleiss Gang? Remember Village Idiot, English, Claire, and Natty? This harmonious household has been living it up in Cyberia. This is their favorite family photo, titled The Pillow Fight.

Claire is working her way up the sports career ladder.

English graduated college and works in a science lab.

Natty is relatively bored and has tried on a few careers. She opened a lemonade stand, but that didn't suit her.
She thought about modeling, but as pretty as she is, that seemed to be boring too.

She even took a job working in a mini mart just to screw with the customers... you know, turn them into frogs and such. She's such a Kevin Smith fan, so inspired by Clerks II. And she knows she rocks the Mooby Uniform.

Village Idiot came home from work and wanted to get in on a little game of red hands, but the girls told him that until he quit his nasty habit, he couldn't play their reindeer games.

So he quit smoking, but now he's dying his hair orange and carrying around a riding crop.

And his wanderlust is really getting out of hand. He thinks he's sneaking a peek at Natty's va-j-jay, but there is NO sneaking when it comes to his magical roommate.

All it takes is a thought from her powerful mind, and Village Idiot is under a spell. Natty's plan? Make him so irresistable to the women of Cyberia that he won't have time to sneak peeks at her goodies.

First he puts the moves on Claire. The spell is so powerful, not even his SpongeBob shirt and riding crop can weaken his appeal.

Claire is cautious at first...

... but he presses forward...

...and hits the jackpot!

After a hard day at work, he brings a love-gift to English. It's a good thing SHE can't read minds!

At the very least, the spell has assured that VI will never have to sleep in the closet again.

Trust Funds Are Boring -- Jodes, Snav, and Village Idiot

2006-07-31T10:56:00.000-04:00

Snav and Jodes have been hanging out in their downtown condo for several months now. Being trust fund babies affords them certain luxuries. But sitting around in their Simone Perele lingerie seems to be boring the girls to tears.

"With all our money, Jodes, we should be traveling!" Snav decides. "Besides, with Paris in town now, being a heiress is totally last week."

The next day, Jodes joins the military. "Paris totally wouldn't do THIS!" she decides. Snav is bored, but not THAT bored.

Later the Village Idiot stops by to see his favorite girls (in this part of town). Looks as if he's picked up a nasty habit. Even the Goddess is quitting, VI!

While they wait for Jodes to get home from work, Snav and VI battle it out old school style.

And since Snav threw rock, and VI threw paper, he wins the right to prank the housekeeper.

Jodes returns from work with money on her mind. Work is so HARD, she thinks. But her daddy is so proud of his little princess that he buys her a new sports car and moves the girls into a respectable house in the suburbs of Cyberia.

Which, of course calls for a good old fashion pillow fight for all the neighbors to see.

Still, you'd think with all their money, Jodes could hire a cook and get off the cereal kick. Silly Jodes, Trix are for kids.

Makeover Coming!

2006-07-30T18:48:00.000-04:00

Adventures in Cyberia is going to have a face lift! Things have changed around here. Fewer goddesses, more Sim-lebrities. Xtessa, who designed the current layout, is moving on so I'm gonna have to figure out how to update this thang.

In the meantime, if you are a blogger who has been turned into a SIM and want to remain in town, let us know! Otherwise, be prepared to see your SIM likeness eaten by flies or succumbing to bird flu. We have the power to kill you off and we're not afraid to do it.

Girls Behaving Badly

2006-07-29T19:43:00.000-04:00

In an attempt to get her to calm down, Paris' mother sends her to live with Sister Immaculata. (I guess she hasn't seen Sister's swimwear). Paris says that she might want to become a nun too.

But while she was buttering up the unsuspecting Sister, she was also sprinkling Xanax on her breakfast.

The sun's still up, but Paris wants to hit the hotspots early.

Paris orders a drink while Britney sings the blues.

She spots Tom and throws a drink in his face. "I know your zombie wife called Social Services on me!"

Tom slaps her. "My wife isn't even allowed to use the phone!"

Britney's not quite sure how to respond to that.

She lashes out at Katie. "I know it was you. They came and took my kids away! You were just jealous because your baby is just a figment of your publicist's imagination!"

Never turn your back on a zombie after a spewing a line like that.

"Oh my... I've created a monster", sobs Tom.

Having stayed out all night watching the Celebrity Death Match of Cyberia, Paris returns home to find Sister Immaculata just where she left her. Passed out in her pancakes.

"Where's Colin Farrell when you need him?"

Katie's Revenge?

2006-07-23T20:19:00.000-04:00

Freaked out by zombie Katie's threatening behavior towards their kids, Britney and K-Fed move to the other end of Cyberia. It was also easier to move than to clean up all the beer cans and cigarette butts.

The Federlines throw a big birthday party for both boys. Partying along with K-Fed are Paris and Tyra. Britney pretends she's not threatened.

Bubba blows out the candles (with help from Britney and friends). Exposed to lots of secondhand smoke, Bubba is feeling a little short of breath.

Sean Preston celebrates his special day, too. One step closer to emancipation.

Once the party is over, Bubba screams for food. K-Fed takes out the garbage, while Britney asks, "Do you like my hair this way?"

K-Fed tells Britney that he finally saw the Pam and Tommy video. "Wow! I've never seen anything like it!" But while they chat, the SIMS gods send a clear warning. Click on this to read it.

Brit and K-Fed enjoy a pillow fight while Bubba continues to scream for sustenance.

Sean Preston tries to help, but there's nothing in the fridge except several six-packs of Bud.

He finds an almost-empty quart of milk (the rest was used for Black Russians), but Bubba is still out of luck.

All the while, Mom and Dad are sleeping peacefully, both dreaming about Britney's new hairdo.

What's this??? Someone has called Social Services! Off goes a relieved Bubba...

...with Sean Preston close behind.

The next morning, Britney tries to round the kids up for a Vanity Fair photo shoot. They are nowhere to be found! She calls the police who suggest that Sean Preston may simply have driven Bubba to Wal-Mart.

But a bereft Britney suspects foul play. Katie was jealous of Britney's offspring, and apparently didn't drag her feet about taking action. (Well, she was dragging her LEG, but that's because she's a zombie.)

Double Trouble

2006-07-23T09:55:00.000-04:00

Last time we saw Mojo Jojo, Liesl had given birth in his house. Panicked when she realized that her baby was not going to "pass" as the offspring of her husband Lonnie, Liesl left little Alf with Mojo. Talk about a housewarming gift! Just in time, Paris Hilton drops by as part of her most recent "Simple Life" assignment: Helping single-parent Cyberians raise their other-worldly offspring.

Unbeknownst to Liesl, Mojo had been abducted by aliens shortly after moving to Cyberia. The aliens gave Mojo a little gift of their own, and he doubles over in pain.

Then, almost miraculously..

...little Venus appears!

Mojo is now the proud daddy of TWO alien babies.

Paris is not much help.

"Ew!"

She moves on pretty quickly, and demands a better assignment from E!

Knowing that he needs assistance, and fast, Mojo invites Chatty over for dinner and a few diaper changes. She's polite, but is a little put off by his shabby appearance and boring conversation about reflux. She turns up the volume on her iPod.

Once the kids are asleep, however, Chatty and Mojo really connect.

Alien babies grow up FAST, and these two are no exception. Mojo and Chatty throw a wild party for the two little green monsters.

And realize that they make a great team.

Still, these two will try anyone's patience, so Chatty and Mojo decide to hire a sitter and leave for a few hours.

They make their way downtown to get high with some local artists..

...and find a quiet place to get busy.

Although this was Mojo's "first time", Chatty is quite satisfied.

Meanwhile, Liesl is back home with Lonnie and Kramer, hoping that Lonnie will forget that the last time he saw her she was sporting an enormous belly. With any luck, he'll just focus on her breasts.

Payback is a Bitch

2006-07-21T14:58:00.000-04:00

Karl tries to look menacing. The boxers aren't helping.

But what's this? He's been promoted to PARAMEDIC! (click to enlarge) Lucky vampire...he'll have lots more opportunity for midnight snacks.

Sister Immaculata drops by to chastise Karl for his blood-sucking ways. He'll have none of that. He knows what a hypocrite she is!

Sister gets a little slap-happy herself.

But Karl knows how to get back on Sister's good side... a little donation goes a long way.

He pops over to visit the Federlines, only to find zombie Katie twisting Britney's arm: "WHERE'S MY BABY?? WHERE IS SURI??"

The men look on in horror as the women take it up a notch!

K-Fed can't believe his little woman has had her ample booty kicked.

Watch out, Sean Preston... this zombie REALLY wants a baby...

Cruising into Cyberia

2006-07-15T14:25:00.000-04:00

Knowing that the paparazzi is hot on their trail, Tom decides to move his "family" to Cyberia. Imagine his surprise when they are greeted by the Federlines (Britney sprained her ankle while running away from her responsibilities) and Deni.

Having ditched the neighbors, Tom makes it clear to Katie just who is boss.

Testing out the furniture in case Oprah drops by!

Dressed in her best Donna Reed frock, Katie waits hand and foot on her man.

But she can't help but wonder, "Where's Suri?"

Unable to land a movie role, Tom takes the first "acting" gig he can find. Katie tries to figure out how she can call her family without his knowledge, to ask whether she actually gave birth or not.

The stress is getting to her and while Tom is gone, Katie makes like a desperate housewife.

"Dude, where's' my brain?"

Liesl Makes Herself at Home

2006-07-13T08:52:00.000-04:00

Mojo Jojo has moved into Cyberia to escape his past. He's got a little secret, but he's not ready to share that with his neighbors just yet. They'll find out soon enough.

Chatty, K-Fed and a very pregnant Liesl arrive to greet him. Mojo knows how to get K-Fed's attention! (K-Fed is turning into the Homer Simpson of Cyberia. "Beeeeeeeeeer!")

Liesl whips up some Crepes Suzette, instantly making her sexually attractive to Mojo. She turns down his offer of "whoo hoo", explaining that she's turned over a new leaf and has been faithful to her husband Lonnie for a long time now.

What's this? Liesl goes into labor!

Mojo and K-Fed are perplexed. K-Fed thinks that his wife Britney has behaved like this once or twice, but he can't remember exactly what happened after that.

Unable to count on any of the other guests for help, Liesl delivers her own baby. To say that little Alf bears no resemblance to Lonnie would be an understatement. I guess Liesl hasn't been QUITE as faithful as she's claimed.

K-Fed says, "Oh YEAH... a baby! THAT's what we got too!"

Nickle Annie, Livin' La Vida Sims

2006-07-11T23:05:00.000-04:00

It's been a long time since we checked in with Nicole and her "daughter" Melody. You might recall that Melody is the product of a baby switch, and Nicole still has no idea she's raising someone else's daughter. You might also recall that when Nicole's husband committed suicide, Nicole was left with no choice but to take a job as a security guard, sell her palace, and move into a model home she was assigned to guard.

Flash forward, and Nicole is ready to mix things up a bit. She's got the night off, so she hires a nanny, kisses Melody, and heads into town for a make-over.

"I'm not really sure what I want. I trust you. Work your magic."

And in a flash, Nicole is a flaming red-head. (Nice extensions too, Nicole!)

Feeling full of confidence, Nicole slips into her bikini and hits the community hot tub. In seconds flat she has tub full of men. That's Andy behind Al's bubble, showing his better side to Nicole in hopes to garner her full attention.

A few days later, her deceased husband's insurance policy comes through. Nicole buys the model home and engages in some extensive remodeling.

And she enrolls in yoga class.

And picks up a hot new toy to go with her hot new look. Rock on, Nicole.

The Singing Nun

2006-07-11T14:08:00.000-04:00

PG heads downtown for a little Karaoke action.

The mike is barely cool before Britney steps up and treats the crowd to a little butt slapping. The children would be so proud.

But what's this? Sister Immaculata shows up, and Britney is SMITTEN! She's fantasizing about ripping that holy headgear off.

Sister takes the stage and gets down with her bad self.

"Like a virgin....whooo!"

Funky Goes to College

2006-07-09T20:35:00.000-04:00

Funky Cowboy has finally made the jump, right out of the nest and into Cyberia U.
And like any good freshman, the first thing he does is strip off his clothes and streak through the co-ed dorm.

After that display of impressive masculinity, the ladies flock to him.

He hasn't declared a major yet, unless you consider hitting on the ladies an academic pursuit.

His reputation extends beyond the university level. Even Shitty finds herself charmed.

Funky Cowboy snagged a date with a sorority socialite. He invites her out for a fine dinner.
And she greatly appreciates it.

Too bad Funky forgot how hard it is to live on a student's meager wages. Good thing that old "washing the dishes" routine still works when you can't pay for your lobster dinner.

Sister Act

2006-07-08T22:11:00.000-04:00

Meet Sister Virginia Immaculata, newest (and holiest) resident of Cyberia.

Oh my... a flibbertygibbit, a will o' the wisp... a clown!

Sister whips up a little something for her guests. Looks like someone forgot that "vow of poverty", eh?

...and apparently, the "vow of chastity" slipped by as well? Lucy can't help but notice her enhanced bust.

She makes quite an impression on Lucy, Dave, Karl and K-Fed. Dave thinks having a hot nun for a neighbor is "unjust".

As she chats with Hilly , the guests are treated to an ample supply of crack.

Karl Busts a Move

2006-07-07T20:09:00.000-04:00

On the way home from his new job as an EMT (talk about a kid in a candy store!), Karl sneaks up on PG and Deni, who have moved in together. They are just hanging out, talking about how much they hate math, when the horny vampire arrives.

Karl tells violinist Deni how much he LOVED taking lessons as a kid.

They invite him in, and PG can't help but laugh at his ridiculous uniform.

Karl believes himself to be quite the dancing machine.

The girls have a different opinion.

PG throws a water balloon at him to see if he will melt.

Karl is unfazed, but leaves quickly before the sun comes up. Deni boogies a bit before leaving for work...

...and PG sports a new sweater dress for her first day as a phone psychic. With Karl in their lives, even PG can't predict what's going to happen to these two next!

Girls Gone Mild

2006-07-04T15:19:00.000-04:00

The last time we saw Chatty and Stephanie, they were doing the trendy "I'm bisexual" thing. They've since agreed to be nothing more than roommates, and have moved into a spiffy new place. With a washing machine!

Chatty tells Steph that she thinks they should invite a few people over, to let friends know they are both back on the market.

Stephanie thinks she's said, "Go to the market", so she hops on her rickshaw and goes shopping.

After being turned down by several old friends, Chatty plays on her laptop even though she's got tons of ironing to do.

Steph has run into Mayo while shopping, and invites her back to the house. She's a little creeped out by the "Single White Female" factor, though, and calls a cab to go downtown.

She finds a place to go watch The World Cup, rooting big time for Italy.

Back home, Chatty runs...

...takes out the trash while wearing stilettos...

...and goes back online, wondering where the wild days went...

Model Behavior

2006-07-01T17:59:00.000-04:00

Dave Utenzi and his daughter, Belinda Poodles, enjoy having Deni over to liven things up.

Deni gets a bit carried away, but Dave and Belinda just love her.

Still, it's nice to get out and meet some new people. These days, Cyberia seems to be crawling with celebrities and this night is no exception. Who does Belinda meet downtown, but none other than Tyra Banks herself!

Dave immediately runs over to chat her up!

Tyra finds Dave's conversation a little less than scintillating, however...

Children of the Night...

2006-06-30T19:43:00.000-04:00

Karl's friend Hilly, a fashion icon in Cyberia, has moved into the Biosphere while her place is being renovated. She's a "bit" surprised to find Karl's new palefaced friend Rebecca there, and Rebecca quickly takes Hilly under her spell.

Hilly's beginning to think that she should have found a place on Craigslist.

Karl, seemingly unaware that his chick-friends are swapping bodily fluids, cleans. Constantly.

In a moment of weakness, or insanity, he proposes to Rebecca. "I vant you to be my VIFE!"

Knowing that she'll never have to scrub a toilet with this guy around, Rebecca readily accepts.

The usual suspects arrive for the wedding and raise their glasses to the happy couple.

Rebecca wonders when she and Karl can finally leave for their honeymoon. The sun is nearly up, and she's had enough of the Federlines.

Once the house is empty Hilly does her best Tom Cruise impression, amusing herself until it's time for "bed".

Karl has the guest coffin all ready for her. And it looks like she's got a big night planned.

Britney Gets a Spare

2006-06-28T15:17:00.000-04:00

As we check in on our gal Britney, she's busy picking her teeth.

Party for one! Yeah!

While she's getting punchy, Sean P. rattles his cage.

He manages to climb out of the crib and start having some fun of his own.

But what's this? A baby bump?

It's time!

...and little Bubba is born. Who would guess that his father is not K-Fed, but someone far more "grim"...

When Britney sees this woman picking through her trash can, she immediately invites her in to help with Bubba. "I think there might be another kid upstairs too, but I'm not 100% sure. Anyway, gotta run!"

On to more important matters...

Renter!

2006-06-28T00:04:00.000-04:00

Please visit my renter, "Green", in the sidebar. She'll be moving to Cyberia very soon... along with a few other new characters. Stay tuned!

Wanna Neck?

2006-06-24T13:54:00.000-04:00

Karl Tripp is somewhat of a fashion victim...

..., but he's moved into the coolest house in Cyberia: The Biosphere. (Hey, you do what you have to do to get chicks.)

Still, Karl seems to be wanting for company.

All alone with his pop tarts, he's hoping some other tarts will stop by soon.

And right on cue...Britney!

He invites her in (she's pretty sure it's ok to leave Sean Preston in the car for a few hours. The windows are closed so no bugs can get in.) She immediately picks up the bass and Karl gives her a tip. (She could use a few more "tips", but that's another story.)

Karl fires up the bong. There's just so much of Britney's playing that he can take.

Thankfully, K-Fed, Lucy and Deni (with her sassy new 'do) show up and really get the party started.

That Deni sure can wail!

Karl, somewhat lacking in social skills, uses the old handbuzzer on K-Fed. Everyone decides it's time to go, although Deni agrees to join Karl at a gallery opening downtown.

After a few hours, Deni breaks the news that the date is "lame"...

...and Karl loses it.

But what's this? A pale-skinned beauty peers over her elbow at a smitten Tripp.

Rebecca and Karl...a match made in, er...heaven.

The love bug has bitten, and so has Rebecca!

Karl is a changed man!

He takes his cyanotic girlfriend home and makes a rather bold suggestion...

...which is immediately accepted.

Where this relationship is headed is unclear, but one thing is for sure. There's always room for Jell-O!

Add a Little Mayo

2006-06-24T13:34:00.000-04:00

Meet Mayo Naize, young hip blogger just venturing out on her own.

Once her place is in shape, she wanders outdoors to find some pals. Liesl is never one to turn down a free beer.

...but is quick to point out that she has money, and doesn't need charity alcohol. But she's up for it anyway.

Deni, Lonnie and K-Fed arrive, and before you know it...a Cyberian poker party!

K-Fed tries to impress Mayo by telling her that he's a big recording artist...

...and that he likes her bust. Deni's reaction? "The ball's in your court now, girl. Just watch yourself!"

Wild Nanny!

2006-06-17T21:29:00.000-04:00

Lucy and Sage have had their baby boy, Earl, and are moving into a big new home. They are very much in love, Lucy has quit drinking and little Earl is a handful.

They've hired Laci Dancer to replace the stodgy old nanny they've been using to help out with Earl. They may have gotten more than they bargained for...

Sage tells Lucy that she needs to go back to work, now that Earl will be taken care of.

Lucy isn't all that comfortable with Laci getting naked, jumping into the hot tub, and talking about "woo hoo". Sage, on the other hand, seems pleased.

Still, Laci is a good nanny and doesn't turn her nose up at a dirty diaper or two.

This frees up the happy couple to get down with their bad selves.

But Laci Dancer is a dancin' machine and her motor is running.

She asks for the night off and heads for the clubs.

She gets the party started with a Sim version of the Macarena.

And then she jumps into the DJ booth and starts to spin.

Apparently she played a song that brought some bad memories back for one of the other clubbers, and Laci finds HERSELF getting clubbed!

And what's worse, the guy gives her "noogies". She'd better head home before she gets herself into some REAL trouble...

Deni Serves the Turkey

2006-06-09T07:16:00.000-04:00

Britney and K-Fed have moved into some fancy new digs. Sean Preston begs for attention, asking to be picked up. At the very least, he wants to know why he's dressed for the Iditarod while Brit and Kev are half naked.

Instead, they go inside for a brew and leave SP to fend for himself.

Eventually, they hear his screams and bring him indoors so they can ignore him in a more intimate setting. Britney checks out Page Six ("Nothing! Whew!") while Daddy Kev screams "Popozow!!"

When Britney asks him to stop singing that annoying "song" in front of their guests, K-Fed jumps ugly.

Deni tries to make Brit feel better by offering her some turkey, but she's not interested. "Got any pig's feet?"

Beauty Shop

2006-06-08T06:04:00.000-04:00

the goddess xtessa has opened her very own beauty shop in cyberia. of course, everyone with a beauty emergency rushed to avail of her services. first up was miss vicki, the resurrected wife of bud buckley.
it seems that she attempted to fix their dishwasher and got electrocuted in the process. her cute blonde bob was scorched!
so, with some hair extensions and bleaching solution #88, miss vicki was all blonde, all the time... till the roots show.
the next customer was landismom, fiancee to the goddess plain jane. both have been missing from cyberia for awhile... rumor has it that jane whisked landismom to some "spa" for some facial remodification.
after learning her lesson of not fooling around with her looks by herself, landismom now leaves the beautification job to professionals. the results are so much better.
by the end of the day, anne marie strolled in to ask a favor from xtessa. it seems that she's back to working for the police and she's supposed to go incognito.
so, along with the fancy costume, xtessa applied some fantasy make-up and, voila... it was a beauty disaster!
anne marie, ashamed to show her face in public, ran out the beauty shop without paying... but is that an engagement ring on her finger?!!one of the perks of owning a beauty shop, you get all the good gossip firsthand!

Deni's Back, Liesl's Boobs

2006-06-03T18:07:00.000-04:00

There have been some BIG changes in Cyberia. First, Deni Bloginski, who had blown into town, grown old and died, has been reincarnated. She's back and looking better than ever, too. She's about to give Liesl quite a scare, if the blonde bombshell can tear herself away from the Wall Street Journal. (Who is she kidding, seriously?)

Lonnie, who had been honing his acting skills while dressed as a French Fry, has finally landed a breakout role on "The Cybranos"...a hit TV show about SIM gangsters. This newfound fame has brought Liesl home from all that philandering, but Lonnie is still the one cleaning up the toilet water that Kramer has been splashing around in.

Non-blogger Ivy stops by to compliment Liesl and Lonnie on their fancy new home and minivan. Lonnie is sure that a big movie role is next. (Or maybe that's "movie roll"?)

After Deni has taken a dip in the pool, Liesl shows off her new implants. Deni says, politely, "Nice, but I've got to go practice my violin. Later, chickie."

Britney Moves to Cyberia!

2006-05-21T10:39:00.000-04:00

Britney Federline has moved to Cyberia so she can be a bad mother in peace! (Although I don't think the other Cyberians would want her to have a gun)

After having slipped into something more maternal, Britney takes out a frozen TV dinner while Sean Preston relaxes on the floor, amidst festering bottles of Diet Pepsi.

"I always wanted a baby, but who knew they POOPED?"

Britney fiddles in the tub while the TV dinner burns.

Fireman Bill manages to sneak a peek at the comely bather, while making a mental note to call Child Protective Services right after the blaze is extinguished.

A Good Man Is Hard To Find

2006-05-18T06:10:00.000-04:00

Lisa Stamps has crossed off love in her priority list after she got burned by Bud. still, being a business mogul wasn't all that cracked up to be. so, she found herself heading out to the local pub to check out the singles scene.
a co-worker told her that the best place to be picked up or pick out a man is by the bar.
unfortunately, the only guys there were a gay couple and the bartender.
so, she decided to try out the infamous matchmaker of cyberia and bravely applied for a blind date.
out of thin air, the matchmaker conjured up Lisa's postman. she was slightly disappointed but decided to give it a whirl.
it was going well until the conversation went into an uncomfortable direction. Lisa nervously laughed when he asked if she has a pair of handcuffs at home and shocked herself when she admitted that she indeed kept a pair handy.
afterwards, they headed out to the dance floor where the postman cupped a feel and was sorely disappointed that Lisa wasn't a double D. he immediately cut off their date and left Lisa mouth agape.
Lisa went back to the matchmaker and asked for another date. she was actually feeling desperate.
this time, she wished for someone sophisticated and intelligent. someone who wouldn't care what bra size she's wearing.
fulfilling her wish, the matchmaker introduced her to her new date: a biology professor from the university.
Lisa was actually enjoying their dinner date and felt flirtatious. she offered him a bite of her salmon, which he strongly declined. he told her that he didn't want to get her germs and would only go to bed with her if she had a physical first.
pissed off, Lisa threw the rest of her mashed potatoes at the squeaky-clean professor.
no need to say, he stormed off and Lisa was left with the bill.
not wanting to repeat this disaster, Lisa went home and decided to give online dating a try.she thought that good men were, indeed, hard to find.

Meet Laci Dancer!

2006-05-03T22:27:00.000-04:00

She's cute as a button and about to move into one of the Cyberian households as an au pair... She's also our current sidebar tenant, so PLEASE click on the thumbnail in the left sidebar and tell her we sent you!

Liesl is Spinning Out of Control!

2006-04-22T13:07:00.000-04:00

Frustrated with his current "acting gig" as a French Fry Representative, Lonnie searches the papers for something a little more "meaty" while the houseboy looks on.

Liesl, unwilling to settle in to her new role as mother to little Kramer, invites Martin over for a pillow fight by the pool.

Mister, her other frequent "gentleman caller" is not amused. He slaps her silly while Lonnie continues to scour the paper for work, unaware of the drama taking place outdoors.

Liesl is fed up with the men in her life and decides to leave Lonnie home with the baby. She drives to a local bar, but the guys there seem more interested in the younger college girls. Liesl is dejected.

"I'll show them!" she thinks. Into the giant spinning ball she goes...

She has gotten some male attention, but that probably has more to do with the fact that she is spinning upside down, in a dress, with no underwear. That'll usually do it.

"I never USED to get dizzy on this thing!"

Lucy Gets Her Man

2006-04-09T06:46:00.000-04:00

As we suspected, Lucy M. is with-child. She's also with-a-drinking problem.

The fortune teller sees a 12-step program in her future. Lucy decides that she and Sage need to get married first, and she'll 12-step it later.

Although Sage is nowhere to be seen, Lucy invites her guests and then proceeds to eat a TV Dinner.

Sage arrives home from work, surprised to see that he's scheduled for a wedding! The guests have already left. They were a little nervous that TV dinners were going to be served.

The happy couple doesn't care.

Sage, a little taken-aback by his aggressive bride, throws his back out...

...and passes out from the pain.

Matriculating Sandy and Tee

2006-03-29T05:18:00.000-05:00

tee and sandy are now juniors in college. they've moved out of the nice pad they were housesitting when they found a vampire's coffin out the back. they decided to give the college dorms a try.sandy is now sporting a new 'do and has developed quite a fashion sense after discovering something called In Style Magazine.
meanwhile, tee has discovered the joys of hair extensions. no more crappy hairstyles for this gal!
she has also changed majors. she realized that she's more of the creative type so she's now majoring in literature and paints as a hobby.
sandy also changed her major to biology 'coz she always found the human body fascinating. she's always reading those thick medical books nowadays... and tee still can't get over how hair looks!
in the past, tee and sandy were "really close" but they're over it now. living in the dormitory have introduced them to an interesting species called college boys.
tee's dating them left and right trying to figure out what's her type.
sandy, meanwhile, seems to be getting serious with a senior who's interning at company soon opening for business in cyberia.
the girls seem to be having a good time at the university... especially with boys streaking almost everyday (although tee thinks his thing is as small as a bug). now, isn't that what college is all about?

My Baby Daddy is a French Fry

2006-03-26T17:22:00.000-05:00

Liesl is just a kid at heart, but what she really, really wants is a kid of her own.

She's shacked up with Lonnie after an ill-advised affair with the now elderly Mister Wonderful. Lonnie is an out-of-work actor but Liesl is falling for him against her better judgment. She thinks he's cute and that they'll make pretty babies together.

He tells her they really can't think about getting married and having kids until he gets a job, but Liesl has other ideas.

She proposes, assuring him that she can wait to have babies...she just wants to be married!

No one shows up for their wedding. The other Cyberians think this union is doomed.

Oh but what's this??

As they clean up the mess, Liesl tries to convince Lonnie that she's sick from too much wedding cake, since they had to eat it all themselves.

But what's her excuse the next day?

There's no denying it now. When you're pregnant in Cyberia, you don't just lose your figure, you lose your fashion sense too.

And in Liesl's case, your mind. While Lonnie has responsibly run out to look for work, Liesl invites Mister over "for old times' sake". The houseboy claims that "everything is clean", but that Liesl is one dirty bird.

Unaware that Liesl is getting a whopper with special sauce on the side, Lonnie tirelessly continues to audition.
A casting director determines that Lonnie couldn't act scared on the A-Train at 4 AM, but feels sorry for him. She gets him a gig that will at least help pay the bills.

And just in time, too. In a Cyberian minute, little Kramer is born. But will Lonnie find out about Liesl's indiscretion? Will he want to keep the baby? Is the baby even his?

Marie's Comeback

2006-03-24T07:40:00.000-05:00

after Marie got over her first breakdown, she decided that being poor just wasn't her. so she printed out a fake diploma, omitted the fact that she got expelled in her CV and started hunting for jobs.

she decided to pursue a career in politics since she's good at lying, erm, deceit... err.. scratch that. she just knew she's good. eventually, she landed a job as a lobbyist for some political group who were very anti-environment.

one of her assignments was to convince a member of the senate to hinder a bill that would help preserve some of cyberia's wildlife.

but Marie is the master when it comes to being sneaky so she presented the senator with her own agenda, erm, ideas. she was so masterful that the senator hired her on the spot.

realizing her power of persuasion, she invited the senator over for some of her wicked chili con carne and to voice out her worldly views. if she wants a career in politics, she ought to master her conversational skills.

it paid off as Marie got promoted once again and becomes a City Council Member of Cyberia. now, she has a little more power and, more importantly, more money. she might just be able to move out of the trailer park!

finally, she had money to buy groceries and be able to eat decent food for once, instead of eating TV Dinners everyday.

she also has enough money to buy new clothes. the ones she got at salvation army won't get her voted into office if ever she decides to run for president or something.

but, with all this success, could Marie have upset someone? say, a colleague who was next in line for promotion instead of her? or the old political groups she lobbied for and screwed over for her own benefit? 'coz someone is surely pissed as Marie finds her newspapers stolen and trash can being kicked over on a daily basis.

eventually, all this stress has taken a toll on Marie's health. well, the trash doesn't help either as its toxic fumes surrounds Marie's trailer.

now, she's sick with the flu and she might just be getting a heart attack.

can you say.... karma?

Chatty Gets Around!

2006-03-18T11:30:00.000-05:00

When last we saw Chatty and Stephanie, they were cuddling in the Love Tub.

Stephanie is a party girl, though, so while Chatty sits alone thinking of her newfound love, Steph entertains her guests with a wicked game of pool.

Robin ,having been claimed by the Grim Reaper, comes back to her old "haunt". Steph is pretty freaked out. She's also worried that the ghost of Deni will come back and reclaim Chatty.

Remember PG, Kevin and Julie? They are so busy jumping on the sofa that they've forgotten to take the Christmas tree down.

Tired of being the third wheel, Julie decides to make a move on non-blogger Benjamin.

However, Benjamin isn't interested.

Suspecting that Kevin is behind Benjamin's decision to reject her, Julie slaps him silly.

Chatty stops by the mansion. She asks PG if she watches "The Soup" on E! (Of course PG does. Doesn't everyone?)

Benjamin finally admits to Julie that he's heard she's pretty dumb.

Positive that Kevin is the one poisoning Benjamin's mind, Julie beats the crap out of him while poor Apple (PG & Kevin's daughter visiting from college), screams for help.

A Desperate Anne Marie

2006-03-08T04:00:00.000-05:00

after dumping Bud, Anne Marie decided to move on with her life. being pregnant with her second child with Bud is NOT gonna stop her.with her hormones out of whack, she finds herself deliriously attracted to her male housekeeper. he looks gay, but he might just put out, thinks Anne Marie.
well, he did. after he made the bed, Anne Marie jumped him and they woohooed their hearts out.
of course, all that hot action forced Anne Marie into an early delivery. she pushed and pushed...
... and with a final twirl, gave birth to a daughter whom she named Dana Marie.
the houseboy's heart melted when he saw the little baby and proceeded to take care of her while Anne Marie got some rest.
the next morning, Anne Marie got the shock of her life when he asked for her hand in marriage. will she accept? will she be the housekeeper's wife? or is there more to him than just dusting and toilet-cleaning?

The Woman of His Dreams?

2006-02-26T20:27:00.000-05:00

When last we saw Sage, he was playing jazz for Simoleans outside the house he shares with Lucy.

After an invigorating workout (lose the leggings, ok Sage?), he greets Lucy when she arrives home from her job at the hospital.

Apparently, he really missed her.

He decides they should take their relationship to the next level, and Lucy seems to be in agreement.

However, the car pool arrives just in time for Woo-Hoo-us Interruptus.

Feeling left high and dry, Sage decides to invite Nadia and Charlie over for a dip in the hot tub. Nadia tells Charlie that she feels safe as long as he sticks around. (She senses that the tub isn't the ONLY 'hot' thing on the premises)

Charlie is insulted and leaves, giving Sage an opportunity to make his move on Nadia.

Lucy arrives home unexpectedly, so Sage quickly explains that he and Nadia were just "talking".

Once Nadia has left, Sage suggests that he and Lucy pick up where they left off, and "play doctor".

No interruptions this time...

Sage feels like a new man.

Unfortunately for Lucy, he's got Nadia on the brain.

Resigning himself to the fact that Nadia is spoken for, he proposes to Lucy.

She is delighted with her new diamond! Unbeknownst to her, Sage has given her more than just an engagement ring...

LJ's Deadbeat Husband

2006-02-17T01:29:00.000-05:00

all seems to be going well with LJ and her zombie husband.
but she can't deny that without Plain Jane, they have no cashflow. she decided to try her hand at working but no one will hire a woman in her third "daymester" and, much less, a zombie.

LJ decided to write some trashy novels but it was so trashy, no publication company wanted it.

it didn't seem to affect her deadbeat husband that they're almost broke. heck, he's okay eating rotten food.

to make matters worse, all this stress drove LJ to an early labor.

and wouldn't you know it... she gave birth to twins... a boy and a girl.

wanting to get out of this crazy house, LJ's adopted son, Holden decided to grow up and skip high school altogether.

he hugs his mom goodbye and heads to the nearest university.

a few days later, the twins celebrated their first birthday and turned into toddlers.

no one in the neighborhood attended 'coz they still avoided being near the zombie.

after the celebration, reality hit them as they opened all their bills. LJ started to get pissed when zombie-guy stated the obvious that they don't have any money left.

they fought day and night about bills and money. LJ started having second thoughts about her choice to stay with her zombie boytoy.

the next morning, LJ was surprised to find the Repo Man arrive at their doorstep. without even a hello, he started confiscating all their belongings with his high-tech repo gun.

enraged, LJ blamed all her bad luck on her husband so she decided to boot his sorry ass out the door. and with a quickie divorce that's only available in Cyberia, LJ became a single mother.

she sold her mansion and moved to a much smaller house, which used to be a warehouse for toxic wastes. she's still on the lookout for a job, but with very little skills, she's been unlucky so far.

on the bright side, her toddler twins celebrated their next birthday potty-trained and everything, so they were well on their way into childhood.

hopefully, they'll bring some luck into this dreary family.

Deni Hulas Into Heaven...Chatty Deals

2006-02-12T14:31:00.000-05:00

Meet Stephanie Davies! An old college friend of Chatty's, she moves in with the former roomie and her elderly lover,Deni.

Chatty tells Stephanie all about her whirlwind romance with Deni, but Steph is concerned about Chatty's biological clock.

No sooner than Stephanie says "Isn't this chick too old for you?" than who shows up but the Grim Reaper, coming to collect poor old Deni.

The Reaperettes lead the hula dance to heaven...

...and off she goes.

Stephanie is distraught, probably because Deni didn't leave her anything? Actually, Deni left her more than she may have bargained for!

Chatty throws a party in Deni's honor, and Stephanie and Martin get high.

After the guests have gone, Chatty suggests a bonfire.

She may have marshmallows on the stick, but she's got woo-hoo on her mind!

Remembering the technique used on Stephanie by the college boys, Chatty makes her move.

Stephanie slips into something more comfortable, but she's concerned that Deni's side of the bed is still warm.

She suggests a hot game of pool instead, but is a little put off by Chatty's "granny panties".

Chatty can take a hint. She sheds the body armor and gets Stephanie right where she wants her.

Dave Utenzi and Belinda Poodles

2006-02-06T21:31:00.000-05:00

Our former sidebar tenant, Belinda (the Ninja) Poodles, has moved into Dawn's house in Cyberia ...

..along with her dad, Dave Utenzi.

As most teenagers do, she's asking him to give her some space.

And to stop bugging her.

But no matter how mature she tries to be, she's still a kid at heart...

Meet Our Landlord!

2006-01-29T21:54:00.000-05:00

Here at AIC, we don't just pander to our renters, we also pander to our landlords. Welcome to all visitors who are here by way of Chatty!

Meet Chatty Tawkinbout. She moves into Deni's spare room and immediately throws a party for herself. They don't call her "Chatty" for nothing. Martin thinks she talks enough for TWO people.

Chatty offers to make dinner for Deni, who is clearly humbled. (Although it's hard to look humble in a tiara)

I guess Chatty isn't such a great cook.

She plays "The Song That Never Ends" with two fingers...

...and then Deni sits down and shows her how it should be done. Chatty puts $100 bill in the jar.

Soon, the roomies go shopping together. Chatty wants to buy a new swimsuit, because she thinks this one has too much fabric. She gets sidetracked by this ugly thing and thinks, "Who wears this stuff?"

Ah... now that's more like it!

Deni approves of the butt-floss so much that she invades Chatty's dressing room!

When that dressing room's rockin', don't you be knockin'!

New clothes AND woo hoo. Chatty sure is loving Cyberia...

Our Tenant!

2006-01-28T18:50:00.000-05:00

Please go over to the sidebar and visit our new tenant, One Man Bandwidth!! I thought it would be nice to make a SIM out of him (and anyone else who rents), so meet Lonnie!

Liesl had placed an ad in the paper looking for a roommate, and she just loved Lonnie when she met him.

REALLY loved him.

Lonnie was barely unpacked when Liesl suggested they "relax". Since his luck was clearly with him, Lonnie decides to ask her if she'd let him handcuff her.

She said, "Sure...as long as I can put makeup on you."

They decided to just cuddle instead.

Soccer Mom

2006-01-24T00:40:00.000-05:00

FunkyCowboy gets up for school and reminds his mom that they had bet $250.00 that Funky could make the honor roll. Well, it's time for Cat to pay up!

Realizing that her son is a budding genius, Cat decides to give this private school thing one more try. She spends the entire day learning how to make Baked Alaska.

When Homer returns from work, Cat makes him shower and dress for their dinner with the Headmaster.

Cat wasn't taking any chances with this meeting, so she arranged her dinner party with the Headmaster to coincide with FunkyCowboy's coming of age.

Here's the gangly teenager now! Isn't he just so goofy and cool?

Not taking any chances, Cat decides to hop in the hottub with the Headmaster while Funky retires to his room. "You think a schoolbus is a sweet ride? You should try me out, Mr. Headmaster."

Homer is enraged and quickly turns into some sort of wife beater.

Cat tries to apologize to Homer, telling him that she'd do ANYTHING for her little savant.

But Homer won't hear of it. He calls Rooms to Go and arranges for a single bed to be delivered ASAP.

The next morning Cat is pleased to find both Maya and FunkyCowboy donning their new school uniforms.

And once the family is off to school and work, Cat is left to figure out what to do about this pesky Homer problem.

La Fiesta Tech

2006-01-16T19:12:00.000-05:00

Many of our Cyberians' kids have grown up and gone off to college, specifically to La Fiesta Tech.

Lucy M. Kringle, who is currently undergoing invitro fertilization, unofficially adopted a stranger named Ivy who dropped by the house one afternoon. Ivy applied for and received an Orphan's Fund Scholarship and went off to school. As Lucy deposits her at the dorm, she can't help but remind Ivy that as much as she loves her, she really does want a baby.

Lucy hangs around with Ivy's dormmates for a bit, but really should have changed out of her paramedics uniform first.

Ivy checks out the local cafe and runs into Apple, the underachieving daughter of P.G. and Kevin.

Lucy emails Sage to let him know that Ivy is settling in just fine, and that she'll be home in time for her next treatment.

Over at Dorm Building 8, where several other blogger's kids live, Apple, Sigmund Wonderful (son of Michele and Mister) and Vyn Bloginski (adopted daughter of Deni) are smoking something out of a magical looking bong...

See? They're all getting high.

And getting naked.

Thankfully the school psychiatrist is available when Apple suffers from a paranoid episode.

Vyn has somehow obtained a counterfeiting machine and is "making money" for the dorm.

Michele stops by for a visit, and is thankful for the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy when it comes to illegal behavior in college dormitories. She's just glad Sigmund is doing his homework.

Happy Birthday, Snav!

2006-01-16T15:18:00.000-05:00

It's Snav's birthday!!

In honor of your birthday, I've given you a make-over!

Happy Birthday, Dah-ling. You look maahhhhvelous!

On a sidenote, do you think the housekeeper is gay?

Yeah, me too.

Higher Learning

2006-01-05T03:36:00.000-05:00

everyone envies Diana. she seems to have it all. after realizing that living with four frat brothers weren't all that, she decided to get a job as a housesitter for one of her professors.
since then, she's been seen driving around campus with a pimped-out ride.

she throws the coolest party... only the popular kids attend it and wannabes always crash it.

she always wear the latest fashion and her formal wear is always made by a well-known designer.

plus, she currently goes out with the hottest sophomore in the university.

yes, it seems that Diana has it all. great pad, great clothes, great car and a great boyfriend. but everyone was surprised to learn that Diana got into the Dean's List. you see, she never attended any of her classes and she participated more on the social side of college rather than the academic.

Diana tells her friends that she passed because she gets private tutoring from one of her professors.

very private lessons... if you know what i mean...

now, isn't she the shrewd one?

Oh, Bite Me!

2005-12-29T03:45:00.000-05:00

when last seen, Lu Reds was desperate for money and asked help from O.C. Bee's boyfriend, Benjamin. he got her a job but unbeknownst to her, the position was vampire food.
after being bitten, Lu decided to return the good favor Benjamin has bestowed upon her.

well, Benjamin kinda has a freaky thing going on... he's into that biting stuff... you can just see it on his face as Lu delivered her deadly bite. isn't that the picture of pure bliss?

instantly, his fake tan was replaced by this pastely white complexion all vampires are sporting... and he developed a lisp due to his sparkling white fangs.

later that evening, he came home to find O.C. Bee waiting for him. she knew that he was being unfaithful as usual so she decided to break up with him.

Benjamin, however, had other ideas... he bites her and O.C. Bee definitely thinks that this is grounds for a breakup.

mad with rage, O.C. Bee wanted to know why her boyfriend was acting like a vampire and went on biting her like that... Benjamin thought he did all out of his love for her.

clueless to what really transpired, O.C. Bee woke up the next day to go to work. as she waited for her carpool, she wondered why the sun felt extra hot today...

being the smart girl that she is, O.C. Bee put two and two together... and... oh-oh...

her skin started to prickle and smoke... and she became a pile of ashes on the sidewalk. everyone knows vampires and sunlight don't mix.

Death arrived with the mailman to deliver the bad news to O.C. Bee's family that she's passed on... but there was no one around, so the mailman acted as the grieving party. poor O.C. Bee...

a few days later, Lu heard the news about O.C. Bee's untimely death over the radio. she was filled with guilt and grief... she remembers that they were roommates first before they became bitter rivals.

so, with her last money, she bought Vampicillin-D to be rid of her vampire ways...

concentrated on her art and decided to sell a few of her masterpieces...

got a new haircut and looked for a decent job for once...

a new year... a new Lu.

More Christmas Fun in Cyberia (Part Two)

2005-12-25T16:58:00.000-05:00

Jan is kind enough to share her Christmas with that annoying neighbor Aleks Ayhole. And little baby Phoebe just adores the tree! (and Aleks, unfortunately. Must be mullet-envy.)

Newest Cyberians Sage and Lucy M. enjoy a traditional Christmas pillowfight. Never heard of it? Me neither...

Liesl throws a little dinner party before heading off for work. Those healthcare workers can't catch a break. She's thinking of going into law. Nadia and her non-blogger husband Ken leave baby Chandler at home, and Dawn can't pass up a free grilled cheese sandwich even if it IS the third dinner party she's attended today.

Christmas Eve in Cyberia, Part One

2005-12-24T21:43:00.000-05:00

What some of our favorite Cyberians are up to this Christmas Eve...

Deni, Dawn and Martin cutting a rug in front of the tree. Deni's daughter Vyn has gone off to college.

Karan has clearly hit the egg nog once too many times as she talks to Micah about recycling through a teddy bear. Their daughters, Wonkette and Jane, have left for school as well.

Michele, a General in her own right, plays with pajama'd hubby Mister. They have been heartbroken since Sigmund left for University along with the other teenaged Cyberian kids.

Heidi marvels at what a great dad Charlie is to little adopted Kennedy. The girls, Ethel and Lucy, are off at school.

Since Apple left for college, P.G. and Julie are adjusting to a life of sharing Kevin.

Kevin is thinking he's having the best Christmas ever, especially since a handsome bisexual neighbor is getting himself good and drunk for the festivities that are bound to occur later this evening...

Robin and Martin are enjoying their own Christmas tree with little Pistachio (reading Harry Potter) and baby Aspara Gus. Next to St. Patrick's Day, this is their favorite holiday!

Meet the Kringles!!

2005-12-17T17:39:00.000-05:00

Meet Sage and Lucy M.Kringle!

You'd think these two had never seen a tree before...

After they check out their new place, Nadia, Ken (non-blogger husband of Nadia) and Charlie drop in to say hi. Sage thinks Nadia is a regular ray of sunshine.

Ken and Nadia can't keep their hands off each other, leaving Sage thinking "Get a room already."

Charlie wows the group with his breakdancing skills. Not bad for an old geezer!

The group retreats to the hot tub and stays there until the wee hours of the morning.

"Dear Diary... I can't stand Ken."

"...I really want to have a baby. I wonder how long I need to live with this guy Sage before he'll give me one..."

Please Visit Our Sidebar Tenant

2005-12-12T19:47:00.000-05:00

Go see Jeremy at "Haunted House Dressing". He's got a nice blog and good info about the crap we eat in this country on a regular basis. And anyone who is willing to toss 50 credits at our little spot in cyberspace deserves a look, no? YES!

The Truth Comes Out -- not all of it, though.

2005-12-11T21:20:00.000-05:00

It's amazing that Kris hasn't noticed the lack of family resemblence, let alone Lu's decidely ethnic hairstyle.

Lu comes home from her first day of school with a ton of homework. Isn't that just like a public school?

Kris spends hours with Lu trying to help her get it all done.

At dinner the girls have a heart to heart. "Mommy, is daddy a vampire?"

Kris assures Lu that even though her daddy is a walking dead beat, she's more than enough parent for them both. They try a game of darts to cheer Lu up, but Kris decides a more drastic measure is in order.

She tries to take Lu bowling, but after a day like this, all Lu wants is to sleep.

So they wait for their cab...

... and even though they make it home, Lu just doesn't have the energy to make it in the house.

Once carried to bed by Kris, she dreams of her dad.

Kris thinks of Goopy too, but not in such loveable ways.

WAY Overdue Updates

2005-12-11T18:56:00.000-05:00

When we last checked in, PG and Kevinwere married, but being the magnanamous soul she is, PG allowed Kevin to have his young girlfriend Julie move in with them and their daughter Apple. They were living in an enormous house which kept the women out of each other's hair, but the place was too big to manage. So, off they went to find a cozier home. Apple warns Julie that there may be some twists and turns in the road ahead. Wise girl.

Kevin comes to his senses and reconnects with PG in a big way... much to the dismay of Julie.

She has no choice but to beat the crap out of him. Somehow, I think Julie's days are numbered in this house...

Over at the Bloginski's, Micah and Karanthrow a hot tub party, where Micah resents being called a big baby.

Pretty much on cue, he turns into an old man. It's 4:30 and he's already wondering where dinner is.

This old man may have more than he can handle in his daughter Wonkette, who is now a rock 'n roll chick with a penchant for sneaking out late at night.

Karan decides to change her hairdo and try to appear like a hip mom, but she forgot to also ditch her ugly swimsuit.

A Slight Misunderstanding

2005-12-08T00:01:00.000-05:00

Okay -- this is not good. Shiitty, you should not be having heatflashes where Scotty is concerned.

Scotty catches on quick to the fact that Shiitty has a crush. As cute as she is, she's missing some essential hardware. Scott devises a plan to X out her attraction in the least harmful way.

He pickes up the phone and dials a sure thing.

Then he heads over to meet his anonymous hook-up, Al.

When Shiitty finds Scotty doing the after-woo-hoo couch dance, she realizes that she made a blooper...

...but she's okay, strong chick that she is, and she and Kristina have a good laugh over the whole misunderstanding.

The next day Kristina and Scotty sit down to a game of cards with the newly-blonde Andy and a neighbor, Sam.

When Sam and Scotty are left alone, Scotty makes his move.

Sam is quite receptive, telling Scotty that he's turned-on by guys with brown hair.

Scotty falls quick!

The Scotty falls asleep...

...leaving Shiitty is left to unclog the toilet...

... Andy to clean the kitchen, and Kristina to fix the computer.

The Mystery Continues

2005-12-08T00:00:00.000-05:00

The Vixen is horrified to discover that her trash has been kicked over AGAIN. This time it drew cockroaches, and Diane was forced to fumigate before changing out of her panties. The mailman was grateful, but Diane was furious.

Later that night she waits behind the bushes. When her galpal is seen strolling down the street, Diane jumps out from behind the shrubs and stops her with the Vixen Kiss of Death.

She invites her girl inside and tries to pay her to stop kicking over the trashcan.

Then she tries a heartfelt apology.

Finally she lures this madwoman back to the Love Nest and gives her what she really wants.

After the woo-hoo, Diane kisses her and her roach problem goodbye.

Now she can get back to her leisurely life of feeding fish...

...reading a good novel...

... and playing chess with Al.

Or can she? Looks like Vixen might have to spend less time swinging, or MORE time hiding in the bushes.