Paris Post-Lockup

To celebrate her release from jail, Paris invites Sister Immaculata, Lindsey and Britney over for a hookah party!



Tyra stops by to see what Paris is up to. Things aren't looking too promising.



"Hmmm... maybe if I have her move in with me I can straighten her booty out. It would further my image as a selfless humanitarian! Plus, it would make a really good "Tyra" show."



Paris' mom calls to tell her that they've sold her house while she was away.



"Oh no...now I have no choice but to move in with Tyra!"

Nunsense!

I know, I know... we are SO sick of hearing about Paris Hilton! But you can read TMZ.com, CNN.comor even Perez Hilton and not get the inside look into Paris' prison life that you'll get here.


Paris' parents send Sister Immaculata to counsel their distraught but stylish daughter.



Sister begins by telling Paris how she and the other nuns keep themselves occupied. She has a bit of experience in an all-girl environment.



"We have pillow fights to pass the time," Sister informs her.




"And this is how you make friends with the other inmates."



"Don't worry, you can record the whole thing and post it on YouTube!"




Sister offers to make Paris' prison diet staple, the baloney sandwich. Paris reads the copy of "Papillon" that she found under her bed.



Finally, she's able to get to sleep. She wonders if anyone has remembered to feed Tinkerbell...



...and then dreams of her one true love.

Paris and Her Sidekick

No, not her spiffy little PDA! Paris learns that her cellmate will be none other than her pal Lindsey, recently picked up on a DUI. Lindsey attempted to look respectable at the arraignment, but she wasn't fooling anyone.


The girls now get to do everything together.



Paris is required to do a bootcamp-style workout as a part of her rehabilitation. "At least the outfit is hot," she murmurs.



But to add insult to injury, the court has ordered Tom Cruise to drop by daily for a healing round of "Entheta Clearing". Paris is a little nervous.


As well she should be. This baby doesn't mess around!


Back at the Cruise mansion, Katie tells Suri that if Tom is occupied with the brainwashing of Paris and Lindsey they might be able to make their break. Suri points out that given the lack of collective brains, he may not be gone very long.