Christmas In Cyberia

Katie, dressed in a Christmas outfit that Tom bought her, is thrilled to see a tree in the house.


"Oh I hope Santa brings me a brain!!"


Well, well... whaddya know...


Over at Sister Immaculata's Home for Wayward Starlets, the nun cleans up while Paris and Lindsey feel each other up behind her back.


Or so they think! We all know that nuns have eyes in the back of their heads, because they've told us so! She lets them know that they are grounded for a month. No parties, no boys over, no egg nog, nothing.


"It's for your own good. You girls need to learn the hard way, apparently." Britney tries to plead with her, saying that she didn't do anything wrong, but the nun won't budge. "Your kids haven't seen you for six months, missy. The rest of the world has seen more of you than they have. And that's an understatement!"


In a flash of brilliance, the girls decide to have a panty party and tickle the Sister into submission... now, if they can just get her drunk! (Britney couldn't participate because, well, she has no panties.)

The Girls Enter "Rehab"

When Lindsey caught Dave in the hottub with Tonya, she knew things had hit rock bottom. She called Britney and Paris and all three girls decided to move in with Sister Immaculata.


"OK, I know I'm supposed to be learning how to be a "good girl" and all, but I've been dying to hang out with Karl the Vampire. You know, just a one-nighter.", explains Lindsey. Sister tells her that vampires are not wholesome people. And they shy away from rosary beads.


Sister Immaculata engages Paris in a rousing pillow fight...


...while Lindsey breaks the rules and IMs Karl, naked.

Bimbos, Zombies and Bookies...Oh My!

The girls retreat to Britney's place after a long night of smoking, drinking and slap fights.


Britney has had quite enough of LiLo's never-been-pregnant belly, and calls Dave. "Send her home," sighs Dave. "I'm a little tied up and can't come get her."


Tied up indeed! Dave is having a little hot tub party with Tonya and Tyra.


Lindsey arrives home just in time to see Dave checking out the former skating thug. "I thought this kind of thing only happened to guys on TV!" he blurts.


He can't help it. Although he's married to LiLo he's clearly got the hots for Tonya who is considering a career as a Sumo wrestler.


Back at the TomKat residence, Tom takes a post-wedding snooze and dreams of Jamie Foxx.


The next day, Zombie Katie wants to continue the marathon kissing. Tom squirms. "The whole point of the three minute kiss was to get that out of the WAY!" he shrieks. "Now excuse me while I go watch the trailer for "Dreamgirls" again. K-Fed is due home from work any minute now and can take care of Suri. Or whatever her name is."


K-Fed is not only home from work, but he's been promoted. He's pretty sure Britney will see the error of her ways once she gets a load of this: